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ATTENTION ALL:


Please prepare for this week’s Testing Activities:

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During this next Test, you will have to provide an audio file with you talking like me, GLaDOS.

Some guidelines:

- Males may do a male version of me.

- Do not submit quotes from the Portal series, make up your own lines.

- Online Enrichment Center references are certainly a bonus.

If we get enough submissions, we will have separate winners for male and female categories.

The winner will get a personalized audio message from me, and an @onlineenrichmentcenter.com e-mail account, which may be linked to a main account so that all messages sent to the OEC account are forwarded to the e-mail account you actually use.

For the sake of organization, you will be required to send any and all submissions to glados@onlineenrichmentcenter.com with the subject “GLaDOS ConTEST.” The email may include a link to a place where you uploaded your clip, or it may have the clip attached.

Submissions will be accepted until Friday 12, 2013.

We recommend that you give it a try, as participation is expected to be extremely low. It’s an easy win.

 

Good luck!

Source: twitter.com
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ATTENTION ALL:


The Online Enrichment Center is proud to announce that yesterday’s Test Results are finally in. 

The Test was conducted on 9,845 and a half human faces, and it seeked to measure human face composition before and after Aperture Science Daily Mandatory Testing. The results, as shown in the following pie charts, were highly informative:

As you can see, there is a remarkable lack of Spike in human faces before the Testing Phase, which leads us to believe that lack of testing seems to have a negative impact on human spike-facedness, and might, in fact, prove yet again to be undesirable.

But, given the fact that pressure put on human Subjects by Computer-Aid regarding Mandatory Enrichment Activities seems, according to ongoing Testing, to be counter-productive, the Online Enrichment Center has decided to add extra spikes on the ceiling and walls of the Aperture Cafeteria, in an attempt to cause feelings of joy and satisfaction on Subjects who feel they are “missing out” on “spikey funtimes,” due to circumstances of force majeure preventing them from Testing.

Due to the conclusive nature of the results, no further Testing on the subject will be required for now.

Source: twitter.com
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[ATTENTION ALL]

Source: twitter.com
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ATTENTION ALL:
——————————

Here are some of the most significant results of the latest Aperture Science Safety Inspection Study dated 06/29/2012:

“(…) REVISION OF AUTHORIZED SUBSTANCES:

(…)

- Motivational Toxic Waste: APPROVED

- Neurotoxin:
a. Type 1: APPROVED
b. Type 2: APPROVED
c. Type 3: APPROVED
d. Type 4: APPROVAL PENDING. Notes: FURTHER TESTING IS REQUIRED BEFORE APPROVAL BECOMES EFFECTIVE.

(…)

- Dihydrogen Monoxide: NOT APPROVED

Empirical Foundations:
1. It can cause excessive sweating and vomiting.
2. It is a major component in acid rain.
3. It can cause severe burns in its gaseous state.
4. Accidental inhalation can produce death.
5. It contributes to erosion.
6. It decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes.
7. It has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients.

DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE IS NO LONGER PERMITTED WITHIN THE FACILITIES GIVEN ITS DANGEROUS CHARACTERISTICS. ITS USE, CONSUMPTION OR POSSESSION IS STRICTRLY PROHIBITTED AND PUNISHABLE BY DEATH.”

Please observe the safety rules and regulations so testing can continue to be conducted within a safe environment.

Thank you for your co-operation.

Source: twitter.com
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STAB ALL THE THINGS!: I'll Make Subjects Out of You

feelingstabby:

I’ve had “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” from Mulan stuck in my head for a few days, so I figured I’d reinforce it by Aperturizing it.

I’ll Make Subjects Out of You

Let’s get down to Science
To defeat chambers!
Did they send me hobos?
I want a transfer!
You’re the fattest slobs
I ever met,
But…

Source: shadowmaat
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Anonymous asked you:

If you could change one thing about the OEC, what would it be?

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Hey, Boss, if I linked you to Morgan’s askblog - which technically isn’t up and running yet - would you like to taunt her through awkward questions? :D

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What is your favorite enrichment center activity?

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What’s your favorite part of the OEC?

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